How to professionally respond to corporate as*hol*s
I’ve hesitated to write this article for a week now, as it might sound rude and selfish in most cases. However, the core reason for my research over the alternative sentence examples was in the name of keeping rudeness out of professional life, responding politely without conflicts, and keeping toxic people at a distance.
You need a gun that won’t be shot forever.
So I highly recommend retaining a positive and friendly manner and a sense of ownership in your professional life.
Here we go:
F*ck you!
- Thanks for your input.
- Your opinions have been noted and will be given all the attention they deserve.
- I’m sorry you feel that way.
- Poor planning on your part does not constitute an immediate emergency on my part.
- I will take that into consideration.
- Let’s reanalyze later.
- Let’s take this offline.
- We have already gone over this, thank you.
Don’t be a power-crazy b*tch:
I can understand your devotion and dedication to your profession, but being an aggressive go-getter doesn’t mean you are allowed to create a stressful and toxic working environment, which is really harmful in most cases. It hurts people and at the end of the day, affects the company.
You are a real idiot:
Well, that is one way of looking at the problem.
I don’t have time for this bullsh*t:
I’m juggling a hectic schedule at the moment and would like to get back to you when I can give more thought to what you’re saying. Can I get back to you on this at a later date?
I don’t think you understand, ret*rd:
- Moving forward I want to ensure that we are aligned.
- I’d like to repeat this for the sake of clarity.
- It’d be perfectly fine if you’d like to ask for more detailed information.
- Would you like me to elaborate a bit more?
Stop micromanaging, you st*pid little sh*t:
I am confident in my ability to complete this project and will be sure to reach out if or when I require your input.
That’s not my problem, honey:
I recommend directing this issue to [name] as they have the proper expertise to best assist you.
That’s not my job:
This falls outside of my responsibilities but I would be happy to connect you with someone who can help.
Stop assigning so many tasks:
As my workload is quite heavy, can you help me to understand what I should reprioritize in order to accommodate this new task?
Answer my emails:
If there is a better way to get in contact with you, please let me know as I’m hoping to have this resolved at your soonest possible convenience.
That’s your problem:
I believe that falls within your scope of responsibilities. But I’m happy to support where it makes sense
Why didn’t you ask it sooner:
Given the tight turnaround, it would have been beneficial to have been looped in on this sooner.
Stop emailing me so often:
To ensure that information doesn’t get lost, let’s reduce the frequency of communication. So that updates are only provided once more details have been established.
Did you even read my email?:
Reattaching my email to provide further clarity.
I have emailed it to you, b*stard!:
I have included my initial email below which contains all of the details you are looking for.
I have no idea wtf you are talking about:
Please help me better understand what exactly it is that you require on my end.
I don’t wanna talk to you right now:
I’m currently tied up with an important task but I will connect with you once I’m free.
Do your job, f*g:
It’s my understanding that you are the appropriate person to contact in regard to the issue, but if there is someone better equipped for this, please let me know.
That’s a horrible idea:
Are we confident that it’s the best solution or are we still exploring alternatives?
Sorry:
The problem is noted, thank you for pointing it out to me.
Workday ended. I can do it tomorrow:
I understood the importance of the task you are assigning and will do my best to end it by the nearest possible date.
It won’t happen that fast, honey:
1. I’m not sure this can be implemented within the given timescale.
2. It will be tight, but I’ll try to schedule it.
